To Date or Not To Date: That is the Question
I was never the “pretty one”. You know, the friend who always has perfect hair, perfect
clothes, and has a line of potential boyfriends during Homecoming time. Nope. That was
never me. In fact, my best friend was the “pretty one” and I was often resorted to the
roles of being the matchmaker.
You see, I never could get my crazy, poofy hair right, and my glasses…oh my glasses.
they were gold and took up over half of my face.
Itʼs was a rough time.
In 8th grade, my love life suddenly took a miraculous turn when the most coveted guy in
the class decided to like me. I couldnʼt believe it! Next thing I know, we were holding
hands under the desks at school, going to a movie (against my parentsʼ wishes) and
exchanging my first kiss in the history room after school. I felt like a million bucks! It was
an exciting time.
Well, that guy ended up ditching me that summer for a girl at camp, leaving me with a
broken heart. I spent the rest of the summer staring at his page in the yearbook,
wondering what I had done wrong.
The years that followed were, thankfully, carefree and without boys. I went with
girlfriends to the Junior Prom and had lots of sleepovers. When Senior year rolled
around, boys and dating were a distant memory. That is, until ‘he’ came along.
It all started very innocent and fun. We shared a study hall, this boy and I. We had been
old friends but had grown apart during high school so naturally, we were excited to
finally have a class together. Over the weeks and months that followed, he was taking
more and more of an interest in me. He made me feel special. He noticed me. And one
day, it happened. He walked me to the bus stop and asked me to Homecoming. I was
shocked and said yes.
You can imagine what happened next. We started dating after Homecoming and what
was once an innocent, fun relationship turned into a dangerous spiral of crossing
physical boundaries. I gave more and more of myself to him because I wanted to be
needed and liked. I wanted to feel beautiful.
I knew the things we were doing was wrong but I didnʼt know how to stop. And then it
became, I didnʼt want to stop. For the first time, I had a boy who was completely sold out
to me and me alone. I was the only girl for him. He wanted me! But the price of being
wanted was very costly.
We didnʼt survive when I went away to college and ended up breaking up half-way
through the year. I was devastated and spiraled into a depression. I grieved over a lost
relationship as well as what I had given away in the process. I still had my virginity but
had still given away much of myself emotionally and physically.
It has now been almost 8 years since that terrible break-up. God has since redeemed
so much and has made good out of bad. Looking back, my ex-boyfriend and I were just
so young. We didnʼt really know what we were getting into.
Even though all my heartache in the dating world, I still very much believe in dating. I
am now married to a wonderful man who takes care of me and loves me
unconditionally. Dating is the natural journey we walk down to see if a girl and guy are a
perfect match. So go for it! Just treat it as a serious decision because giving your heart
to a guy always comes with some consequences.
There are just a few nuggets of wisdom I want to pass your way…especially if you are
seriously considering dating someone in the near future.
1. Trust your instincts. God gave us the Holy Spirit for a reason. In both cases I
mentioned earlier, I knew I shouldnʼt have dated those guys. It wasnʼt the right time or
the right guy and I just shouldnʼt of done it. It would have saved me a lot of heartache
if I would have listened to the Holy Spiritʼs leading. You will just know if you are
supposed to date someone!
2. Whereʼs God? In asking yourself if you should date a certain person, make sure you
know if God would be present in your relationship. Is this person a strong Christian?
Again, in both cases the guys I were dating werenʼt strong Christians at the time.
They didnʼt do much to add to my spiritual walk.
3. How are you doing? Are you particularly vulnerable right now? When I was
approached by guys to date, I was already in a vulnerable place and wanting to feel
beautiful. I wasnʼt thinking clearly when I started dating the guys. Not a good place for
a relationship to start.
4. Protect Yourself. This is crucial for us girls. Do not ever allow yourself to be taken
advantage of in any way. This doesnʼt mean just your virginity. This means anything
that you arenʼt comfortable with physically. If you are dating a guy who has different
ideas then you do about physical things, run away! and donʼt look back.
Thanks for reading, girls! May you stay close to Jesus as you navigate through the
crazy, fun world of dating!